The Great Movie Round Up

I have been so busy lately that it's been really hard for me to write an article, let alone a review for every movie I've seen, so I've decided to do a round up of all them, giving quick reviews. So here it is folks, a mini-review on pretty much every movie that has played in the last two months.

SAW IV

The fourth outing in the franchise that started the torture porn genre is an obviously shameless attempt at more money. With all the trademarks that make this series so easy to hate or hard to love: ridiculously unnecessary torture scenes, a weak plot, weak characters, a twist for the sake of a twist. Unless you liked the others or feel that you really need to see it since you've already saw the first three, skip it. 4/10

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

A fairly interesting sequel to a well received movie I never bothered watching, that never can become more than fairly interesting. The costumes and set designs are very well done, and the acting is pretty good; the story is just not all that engaging. So unless you feel like throwing down some money to see my boy Clive Owen rock some ass like always, wait for DVD. 5/10

The Game Plane

If you like The Rock enough to spend $6-10 or you have kids, go see it. If you don't, then avoid this, unless you like cliched Disney movies, or want to wait till DVD. 5/10

Dan In Real Life

A pretty funny movie, if not predictable. If you like Steve Carell, then I would recommend going to see it because it's his performance that saves the whole movie. He continues to show that he is a real actor, as well as the adult equivalent of Micheal Cera. 6/10

The Heart Break Kid

Another pretty funny movie but instead of predictability being it's downfall, the fault instead goes to the casting of Carlos Mencia. The movie is generally funny, if not extremely raunchy, but Mencia just leaves too bad a taste in my mouth for it to garner a higher grade. NOT A DATE MOVIE. 6/10

30 Days Of Night

The vampire equivalent of "28 Days Later". This is a good movie that relies more on suspense than horror (the way it should be, IMO) and delivers that very well, along with a lot of gore. It is a little predictable at times and the ending smells of cheese but it is overall a fun movie that you will get caught up in. 7/10

The Kingdom

A tense action movie that is better than you probably think. The action scenes are very well done, enough time is taken for an intriguing investigation and some actual character development, so when the shit hits the fan, you actually care what goes down. All this along with a message on today's society that should actually be heard. 7/10

We Own The Night

A very engaging drama/thriller that was marketed all wrong. It looked like "The Departed" but it was more like "The Godfather" and Mark Wahlberg does not kick all kinds of ass. In spite of all this though, it is a very well done thriller about family, honor, and courage that has a very nice 70's vibe to it. The acting is very good along with some very nice direction. 7/10

Micheal Clayton

Another 70's style thriller that is played out very low-key and quiet. The acting is great and the story is very well thought out. The movie plays more like a drama and starts very slow, which could understandably make it feel slow, but it all pays off in the end when the tension gets turned up. 7/10

3:10 To Yuma

A great western with great action sequences, great acting, a great story, and some great direction. The cinematography is very well done and the acting is exactly what you would expect from Bale and Crowe, amazing. Even if you don't like westerns, this is a great movie about sacrifice and courage that has some awesome action scenes as well. A movie I am definitely considering for my top 10 at the end of the year. 8/10

Gone Baby Gone

Whatever bad things you can say about Ben Affleck, this movie completely makes up for it. Affleck has done a great job, as both the director and the co-writer, in creating a story that is incredibly involving and filled with suspense. His brother, Casey Affleck, gives a great performance as the private eye on the case of a missing girl. This is a great movie that you have to see, whether you think you like Affleck or not. 8/10

Rendition

A beautifully dark movie about political torture and the extreme measures the government takes to secure our safety. Wonderful acting, a great script, and nice direction makes this more than just a movie about how the government is scary. It is a movie about big and small choices, as well as how those choices can affect your life and the lives of others. 8/10

Goodluck to everyone out there in your movie watching. Try to avoid shit. Like Tyler Perry.

Review: In Defense Of The Genre

I'm having trouble writing a review for this album, more than likely because I cant stop listening to it long enough to concentrate, so I will make this short. Say Anything's follow up to the great "...Is A Real Boy", is an amazing album that continues the musical tradition of defying limitations as well as expectations. "In Defense of the Genre", a double disc concept album, tells the story of singer/lyricist Max Bemis falling in love for the first time and ultimately losing that love. The story is split up between two CD's and makes for a completely different experience for each CD. The first CD is a great display of the musical range of Say Anything, with more musical style packed into the first four songs than most bands have in an entire album. While the second CD is more of a straightforward approach to music, with a less upbeat mood than the previous. While the second CD is a very good, it comes up just short of being as great as the first. Bemis provides great vocals, showing off great range in songs such as "That Is Why", along with some extremely well written and diverse lyrics. This is the album that will more than likely end up at the top of my list at then end of the year; it is an amazing album that has at the very least equaled the great album that preceded it.

Noteable Songs:
Skinny, Mean Man
No Soul
That Is Why
This Is Fucking Ecstacy
Shiska (Girlfriend)
Died A Jew
Vexed
About Falling

Ratings
First CD: 9/10
Second CD: 8/10
Entire Album: 9/10

Holy Kubrick!

Today, for those of you who don't know, was the release of a new Kubrick box set. It featured 2-disc editions of "2001: A Space Odyssey", "A Clockwork Orange", "The Shining", "Eyes Wide Shut" and a single disc deluxe edition of "Full Metal Jacket"; plus the feature length documentary "Stanley Kubrick: A Life In Pictures". Now, for those of you who don't know, Stanley Kubrick is my favorite director and obviously this DVD set is like a landmark event for me. There really is no point to this article other than sharing my immense excitement over the fact that I finally have this DVD, evident from the picture featured to the left. I urge all of you to buy or rent this set and see what the art of film really can be. Keep a lookout for I will be writing an article on every movie in this set as I watch them.

"Open the pod bay doors HAL!"

Movie Pick Of The Week #2

Children Of Men

Written By Alfonso Cuaron & Timothy J. Sexton

Directed By Alfonso Cuaron

Let me start by saying how embarrassed I am about this being my first movie pick in about 2 months, and only my second since the start of Gabazooba. I've just been so busy with school that when I do get a chance to see a movie, it's usually not good enough to make me want to write about it. That is until I decided to pop "Children Of Men" in my DVD player the other night. I know that I said that I wanted to write about movies that most of the people I know haven't seen before, but I just can't resist writing about this movie.

This is movie that I remembered greatly after seeing the first time. It stayed with me for weeks after my first viewing. I had it in my top 5 movies of 2006 and I have the poster on my wall. When I bought the DVD though, I just never got around to watching it again. It wasn't that I didn't want to watch it, I just had other things come up. The more I thought about it though, the more I felt compelled to watch it. So I finally watched it for the second time and I have to say, it was much better than I even remembered.

This is a movie that commands your attention and will ultimately get it. The story is fairly simple but deeply layered. The year is 2027 and the world has become infertile. No babies have been born for 18 years and most of the world has fallen to chaos. Britain appears to be the sole standing society, but is teetering on the brink of chaos itself. Theo, played by Clive Owen, is contacted by his ex-wife Julian, played by Julian Moore, and asked to get some transit papers to transfer a young girl named Kee across the country. Julian is a leader of a rebel group that is fighting for immigration rights, for in the Britain all immigrants are hunted down and deported, jailed or killed. Hence the need for the transit papers, for Kee herslef is an immigrant herself.

Theo agrees to help and joins them on their journey, for the only transit papers he could get were joint papers in his name. After a sudden attack, Julian is killed, leaving Theo and Kee alone with the rebel group. They are taken to a safe house, where Theo discovers that Kee is pregnant and is trying to reach the Human Project, an alleged team of scientist that are searching for a cure to infertility. Theo also discovers that the attack that killed Julian was actually orchestrated by the rebel group in an attempt to keep Kee with them, so that they can use her baby as a political figure to aid them in their fight. Theo helps Kee escape and the two set off to meet the Human Project, while being hunted by the rebel group.

What makes this movie so amazing is how atmospheric the world created by director Alfonso Cuaron really is, and his ability to draw you into it. His direction in this movie is some of the best that I have ever seen. The attention to detail that is given in this movie is astounding. If you pay attention to the background during the movies multiple long takes, you will notice the world behind the characters is just as much alive as they are. Along with the great direction, this movie has some of the most astounding cinematography, and certainly the best use of the steady cam since "Saving Private Ryan".

Whats great about the long takes in this film is not only how long they go on but also how they are never boring. Everything that is fit into these long takes is done so perfectly well that it grabs you and never lets go. This is thanks not only to the great direction by Cuaron but also the the great performances given by the actors. Clive Owen gives a brilliant performance as Theo, and I say brilliant because it is a real portrayal of a character. Owen plays Theo in a way that makes him real, nothing more. It's not a flashy or commanding performance, that makes you feel you are watching a great actor rather than a character, but one that you can truly believe is a real person.

Many people think that this movie is political in nature and that the backdrop of immigration is truly the message of the film. I believe that Cuaron's aim was much broader than politics but rather humanity in a global sense. I feel that his story deals more with the selfishness of man and his choices. The issue of immigration in the film is more of a device to show how selfish the world has become. The last remaining society has decided that they are only going to help themselves and any outsiders will be left to fend for themselves. The rebel group who fights for immigrant rights would rather use Kee's baby for their own gain, rather than help her reach the Human Project where her baby could be delivered safely.

Notice how the Human Project itself is questioned throughout the entire film, because nobody has actually seen them or knows if they are even real. In a world that is at war and every side thinks only of themselves, the thought of a group of people that are actually doing something to better the whole world cant really be believed. It's also to note that every person that is good in nature in the film, and tries to help Theo and Kee, lives in hiding. The last bit of good and selflessness in the world has been forced into hiding. Cuaron paints a picture of a world that has been consumed by selfishness and evil, where good people have to hide and are always in danger of losing their lives. But he leaves his world not without hope.

There are many symbols in this movie, such as the fact that Theo goes most of the movie without shoes and every animal he comes into contact loves him; but the most obvious symbol is of course Kee's baby, as a symbol of hope. Notice the wonderful scene towards the end of the film when Theo and Kee carry her baby out of a building in the middle of a battle. Everyone puts their guns down at the sight of the child and for a brief moment, there is peace. The soldiers and rebels think not about themselves or their war, but are awestruck by the sight of the baby and the hope that it brings. It is only once they pass through the group of soldiers that the war begins again. It is a beautiful moment, capable of sending chills through my body every time I see it. It is this moment that I feel embodies everything Cuaron is trying to say. The world needs hope and a world without hope is not a world worth living in. People must be willing to fight but for hope and for the betterment of the world, rather than selfish reasons.

I urge you all to go and see this movie. Even if you've already seen it or you didn't like it, go watch it again. It is a movie that grows on you and stands above most films being produced these days. It deals with issues bigger than itself and succeeds in everything it tries to do. It will draw you in and and entertain you, as well as give you more than enough to talk about. I urge you to watch it and discuss it; there is certainly something there to be found by everyone.

9/10

How To Be A Movie Snob

Have you ever wanted to shove your vast knowledge of the art of cinema in your friends faces? Have you ever wanted to have everyone hate you because of your pompous views? If so, then you'd probably make a great movie snob. In the first part of an ongoing series, I, the greatest movie snob on Gabazooba, will show you all the steps you need to follow how to be that most hated of all movie lovers. These are in no particular order.

1. It's all about language my potential movie snobs. To be a true movie snob you must move past words like "Awesome" and "Great". Turn those childish Micheal Bay loving words into true movie snob language with phrases like "Bergmanesque" and "Self Indulgent". If you really want to succeed at being a movie snob, I would suggest investing in a thesaurus. Use it to change all of the words with 1 0r 2 syllables, into wards with at least 4.



2. Be outward with you opinion. If it seems like someone doesn't want to hear what you have to say, it's only because you haven't let them know how right you are yet. Don't be afraid to but in either, even if you don't know the person. They'll thank you later. Also, if you are standing in line for a movie line, that's the perfect time to speak very loudly so that everyone can hear you opinion, just like in Annie Hall. If they were real movie snobs, they'd thank you for the reference.



3. Don't forget to be subtle about your opinions either. I for instance have two T-shirts that express my movie snobbery. The first has the logo for Janus Films (if people ask what it is, I laugh) and the other features the logo for the Criterion Collection (if people ask what it is, I also laugh). Find ways to be subtle about it, i suggest ordering merchandise from places such as criterion.com. This lets everyone know that you not only know more than them about film, but you love it so much that you'll wear it on your body.



4. If the movie has explosions and the director has never even been nominated for an Oscar, you HATE it. Especially Micheal Bay.



5. If the movie even looks like Uwe Boll was apart of it, then you have to laugh like Tom Hulce in Amadeus. If you don't get the reference, just give up, you'll never be a real movie snob.

Well that's all for now. Start by putting these guidelines into effect and doing some research into various films. To be continued.

Time Machinestein

While scouring the Internet I came across a most interesting discovery. I stumbled upon a script that has started a bidding war between Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel. They both are wanting to be the channel that gets to produce this fine script and hopefully the war will end soon and this fine story will grace our television screens. I'm going to do you the favor of posting the treatment for the series first episode. So here it is folks, the treatment for the un-produced kids show, Time Machinestein.

Characters

Alex Machinestein- 7th grader. Smart but socially inept. Has a crush on Amy. Can go back in time, presumably because his uncle is a wizard.

Chuck Bustler- 7th grader. Alex's best friend. Not smart and socially inept. Has a crush on any girl. Can't go back in time because his uncle isn't a wizard. Provides comic relief.

Amy Green- 8th grader. Pretty and smart. Popular. Leads Alex on.

Spike Broseph- 8th grader. Bully. Strong, mean, and hurtful. Known to pants Alex and Chuck when Amy is around.

Gary Machinestein- Adult. Alex's father. Banker. Provides fatherly advice.

Susan Machinestein- Adult. Alex's mother. Housewife. Provides dinner.

Jenna Machinestein- 3rd grader. Alex's sister. Annoying and sinister. Known to get Alex in trouble.

Wiz Machinestein- Adult. Alex's uncle. Wizard.

Episode 1- Gee Wilikers

Alex wakes up. Gets ready for school. Walks down stairs to eat breakfast. Jenna pops out from behind a stair case and scares him. Alex shouts "Gee Wilikers!". There is a flash of light. Alex is standing in his room in his underwear, looking for his socks. He gets dressed and walks down stairs for breakfast. Jenna jumps out from behind the stairs to scare him but he isn't scared, he is confused.

At school, Alex is talking with Chuck about what happened. Chuck suggests that maybe Alex is a cyborg and Alex tells Chuck that he is wrong because his mother dumped Berry the cyborg before marrying his dad. Amy walks out of her class and into the hallway. Alex tries to say something but his words become jumbled. It is at this moment that Spike runs up behind them and pants both Alex and Chuck. Alex is wearing Spongebob boxers (or Mickey, depending on which network picks up the show) and Chuck is free-balling. Amy laughs at them both. Alex says "Gee Wilikers". A flash of light. Alex tells Chuck that he cant be a cyborg. Amy walks out into the hallway. Alex is very confused. He tries to say something but his words are jumbled. It is at this moment that he takes a step forward and avoids being pantsed by Spike, but Chuck does not. Everyone laughs.

Alex goes home to find his dad reading the newspaper. Alex tells his dad whats been going on. Garry suggest that maybe he's a cyborg. Alex assures him that this is not the case. Gary replies, "maybe you should go ask your uncle Wiz. He is a wizard you know. I could of been a wizard but no, Wiz just had to be mister big shot. Ooo look at me, I'm a wizard. Hey everyone, let's stop in the middle of Passover and talk about how I'm a wizard. Oy, what a Shlump."

Alex goes to visit his Uncle Wiz in his castle atop of the town mountain. Alex ask him if he knows why he is able to go back in time five minutes after he says "Gee Wilikers". To which Uncle Wiz says, "Because I'm a wizard!". After speaking with Wiz, Alex discovers that he is now able to jump back in time after uttering that phrase, because his uncle is a wizard and the wizard gods thought it would be helpful for such a socially inept boy to have something like that in his life (Damn this is good television). So Alex leaves the castle and decides to use his power solely for personal gain, in hopes of winning Amy's heart and pantsing Spike at the big dance, when his band is in the Battle of the Bands to save the town youth center from being demolished, by the evil corporate president, who is really a warlock, who hates Alex because his uncle is a wizard.

How Not To Get Laughed At When Shopping At Best Buy

We've all shopped there and I work there, so now what we need to cover is how not to get laughed at by the employees when you leave there. Now I know it may seem mean but I laugh and ridicule many customers who I deal with, but a lot of it is really ridiculous stuff. So what I'm going to do is cover the basic stuff that really should never happen.

Know Your Alphabet

I can not even begin to tell you the number of people who have "looked everywhere" for a DVD or CD, that I find in under 10 seconds. I know that I work there but there is no reason that you cant find a DVD when everything is alphabetized. I mean if you are looking for Knocked Up and there are 50 copies staring you in the face under the K's, you really shouldn't be asking for help.

Don't Ask For Help If Your Aren't Going To Take It

From time to time run into what I feel to be racial intolerance. I will be asked about a certain Rap CD and either know whether we have it or look it up on the computer. I've looked up countless numbers of Rap CD's with people and told them that we don't have it because the computer staring us both in the face that has all of our store numbers on it tells me that we don't; only to find these exact same people moments later with an African American employee asking about the exact same CD, as if the white boy doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to Rap CD's.

Realize That It's Our Job And We Know What We're Talking About

Following up on that last tip, I beg you to realize that people who work at Best Buy, work at Best Buy. We didn't wander off the street and put on a blue polo to look cool (trust me). I've stared at our DVD section so many times that I know what we have and don't have, but whenever I tell someone we don't have a movie without looking at the computer they look at me like I just dropped 40 kids in a New Mexican desert to fend for themselves for 40 days. People, there isn't a single person that works there that will tell we don't have something that we do, they are all so up there ass about making budget and other really gay company goals that they will find what you want and then try to sell you shit you don't need.

Unless The Employee Seems Generally Interested, Keep Things To Yourself

Here at Best Buy, we love to get your money but not your life story. If I'm selling you a PS3, please don't tell me about your most recent herpes outbreak or how your last PlayStation broke when your husband got drunk and mistook it for the car. Unless I ask you or share some of my own experiences, don't bring your personal life into it and for the love of Clive Owen, leave out all the disgusting shit. Besides, I'm just sharing my own life with you in a weak attempt to better sell the product and get more of your money.

These are just a few tips that can help you become a more ideal Best Buy costumer, I will soon have more for you to follow. Until then, take what I've said here today to heart and strive to not ask so many dumb questions.

The Greatest Bands That Never Were

Everyone may know me now as being happily married but before I met the woman of my dreams I was just like all of you out there, single. When a man is single he thinks of any way to get a woman he can. After years of searching for the dating secrets I realized one of the very few truths in this world, ladies love a man in a band. Since I had absolutely no musical talent, I did what most guys like me do when they want to be in band and have no talent, I decided to become a singer. I had the plan set out perfectly, I would start some sort of band in which I would sing and write lyrics (making me sexy and sensitive), while my best bro Jacob would back me up on the guitar. I had many ideas for what would have been the most epic band to ever grace human ears but none of them ever paned out. So now I am dragging them out of the old filing cabinet and dusting them off to share them with you, my best of friends.

Idea #1
Band Name: The Ever Growing Darkness
Sound: Emo/Acoustic
Sample Lyrics: (Just imagine the most emo lyrics you can think of)
Reason For Failing: I slowly figured out that women who go for lyrics about killing yourself sung by some douche bag with bleached black hair aren't exactly what the Health Department would call "clean".

Idea #2
Band Name: Fall Out Man
Sound: Emo/Punk/Pop
Sample Lyrics: We're going down down; In an earlier round; Sugar we're going down swinging; I'll be your number one with a bullet; A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
Reason For Failing: The idea behind this band was to bring the groundbreaking sound of Fall Out Boy to the local masses, it fell apart when I found out about something called a CD.

Idea #3
Band Name: The Movies
Sound: Indie/Acoustic
Sample Lyrics: I see dead people when I close with my eyes; I see dead people when I realize; That Bruce Willis was never alive; He was always dead and when he was having dinner with his wife she was really just talking to herself because she was drunk and not actually talking to Bruce Willis
Reason For Failing: When over half your songs are about movies that most people haven't even heard of because they are too busy watching stupid ass shit like Sleepover and you let them know how dumb they are for it, people wont really listen to your single about Citizen Kane.

Idea #4
Band Name: The Quotables
Sound: Indie/Acoustic/Historical
Sample Lyrics: Ask not what your country can do for you; (Chant) Ask not, Ask not; But what you can do for your country; (Chant) What you, Can do
Reason For Failing: There isn't a big crowd of people who want to hear Hitler's "Blame The Jews" speech set to an angst ridden folk guitar breakdown.

Idea #5
Band Name: The Lord Of The Strings
Sound: Acoustic/Pop
Sample Lyrics: You shall not pass, I have a beard; You shall not pass, I have no fear
Reason For Failing: Someone beat me to it.

...Is Badass

This is the start of a new recurring article in which I give the top five reasons why a person, place, or thing is badass. Be forewarned, these articles may feature some homosexual undertones, as I feel very strongly about some of the people I place in this category. With that said, the hardest part of this article was picking who to write about first. This week alone features two new movies featuring three of my favorite baddasses, it was tough. I did however manage to narrow it down to arguably my favorite badass in cinematic history...

Clive Owen

Clive Owen is easily the biggest fucking badass working in the movie industry today and I will defend this to the death. I have seen a many of films on the sole fact that they feature Clive, I'm going to call him Clive because that way I can pretend we are best friends, and I've liked them all, even King Arthur.

#5: He Saved Sin City

Watching Sin City again, I realize that it really isn't that great of a movie, but one things carries over from every viewing and that's Clive's badass performance. He is without a doubt made to play this type of just badass, "Don't fuck with me" type of character. It's character that has me going back to Sin City for more and thankful that the DVD features his portion of the film separated from the rest of it.

#4: Children Of Men

Children of Men is an amazing film and definitely one of the best films of this decade, but I think a lot of that is due to Clive's performance. He carries that movie on his back and molds a character that is real, someone that had me cheering for him the whole way through. It was a real shame that he did not receive more recognition for this performance, but for me it only proved how badass he is.

#3: The Voice

As gay as it may sound, Clive Own has one of the best voices that has probably ever been recorded. The man could read me fucking Dr. Seuss and I would say that it's cooler than Pulp Fiction. His narration in Sin City was the perfect noir narration of that movie or any movie, and his monologue with Del Toro in the car is awesome for the sole fact that any word, sentence, or monologue that man delivers is cooler than an ice pack on the bruised chest of a man whose ass he just got done kicking. Not to mention that fact that it's a British accent, and not one of those gay ones either.

#2: His Mad Acting Skills

Clive is a very gifted actor who can deliver a line so subtlety that you can barely notice that he is so mad that you are about to get your ass beat in. Take for example the clip below, I've haven't seen this movie yet but watching this clip made me want to go out and buy it. Clive drew me into the scene and then at the end gave me that badass moment that makes me punch my hand in awe of it all. I know it's a little long but watch it all to get the full effect because the last 10-30 seconds kills.

#1: Just How Cool He Is

When it all boils down to it, Clive Owen is just one cool guy. He brings this just utter sense of everything that is cool and manly to every role, and if the role doesn't call for those qualities he finds a way to make it work. Plus, he just seems like a really nice guy. He is just sky rocketing to fame more and more with every movie he puts out, but he never lets it get to him. Every interview he has ever done, he just seems so easy going and nice. He's been with the same woman since 1988 despite the fact that all the ladies think he is fine as hell, including Angelina Jolie. My hat goes off to you Clive Owen, you are not only a fine actor but a gentleman and all around great guy, making you my number one badass.

Review: Scream And Light Up The Sky

Artist: The Honorary Title

Release Date: 28 August 2007

Sounds Like:
Dashboard Confessional
Bright Eyes

I picked up The Honorary Title's first album, "Anything Else But The Truth", almost two years ago. When I first put it in my CD player, it didn't leave for at least a month. I listened to it over and over, learning every word by heart. Still to this day I can recite the songs word for word. I didn't intend for this to happen but I couldn't help it, the CD was amazing and still is. It remains one of my favorite albums of all time and left a lot of expectations for this next album.

When done with my first listen to "Scream And Light Up They Sky", I felt a little disappointed. Firstly, there had been a very noticeable change in the sound of the band, slight but noticeable. They had moved from sounding like a 2 man indie/folk group to what sounded like full band with an indie/rock sound. Mostly contributed to the fact that they added on two new members. Secondly, I felt that the songs just weren't as good as the original album.

Feeling a little let down, I went on with my day as normal. After about 2 hours though, I found myself humming. Then I found myself singing lines that I didn't even know. I went back to the CD and began listening to it again, this time finding myself liking it more. I listened to it a third time and found myself enjoying it more. The album had grown on me and I began to see what I missed the first time.

The same sound was there underneath the new one, it just sounded more mature. The music on this album is strong and memorable. The Honorary Title has a distinct ability to craft music that sounds so classic, you will swear that you are listening to something that was made decades ago but is still original in it's own right. This helped a great deal by the vocals of lead singer/songwriter Jarrod Gorbel, who is without a doubt one of the best singers recording today. My only gripe with his vocals on this album would be that it's missing those epic moments from the first album where he would cease to sing and just yell, which is just as amazing as when he sings.

The album is also wonderfully arranged, something some bands need to learn about. They made the smart choice of putting the weakest song first and following it up with one of the strongest. After that first track this CD takes off and doesn't stop until it ends. The Honorary Title has moved on to a more mature and full sound that shows in their music as well as their lyrics. This is an amazingly strong CD that has and will continue to grow on me, coming just a little short of the original.

9/10

The Moral Decay Of Society

What I am about to write is very personal and very revealing. By the time I'm done typing this I shall feel as if I've stripped myself of everything and stand before you naked. All over the Internet of course. This is the story of how I, the man's man you know as Jared Laberdesque, was emotionally and verbally violated.

Being the hectic week it had been, my car was low on gas. So I pulled into the nearest gas station and walked inside to pre-pay, because not even Americans trust Americans these days. I was dressed in a black Say Anything shirt (I have to represent), tight (but not too tight) jeans, and a hat. Obviously, my Sunday best.

As I walked in to pay I received a phone call from my lovely girlfriend Kate, I instantly answered it. With one hand tied up in my conversation, I proceeded to pump my gas in that weird one-handed way the people on a cell phone do. Once my gas is finished pumping I place the pump back in it's holder and turn around to screw my cap back on my tank. As I turn around 2 men drive by in a beat up truck and the man in that passenger seat shouts at me, "FAG!".

I was so taken aback by this ludicrous accusation that I couldn't look away. This man and I shared a 5 second long staring contest as he drove by me. He gave me a death gaze that can only be compared to what I imagine the devil's eyes would look like. It was very much like a scene from a movie where two white cops drive by a black man walking along the street and they all share a slow motion stare that last forever, kind of like in Do the Right Thing.

I felt violated by this man, so much so that I wasn't even able to listen to what my girlfriend was saying to me. Me, a fag? Can this be true and if so, why? Why would this man single me out of all the potential faggots at the gas station for his verbal hatred? Could it be because I was the only that was wearing a shirt with sleeves, if at all, and not driving a car the looks like something Bo Duke would drive in a high pursuit chase?

People like this man need to realize that just because a person is not a "red neck" does not make them a "fag". People like me, who are caught in between those two terms are generally called "normal" and we "normal" people have suffered too much prejudice. It's time that America realized that a "normal" person is just like everybody else and does not deserve to be called a "fag". In fact, nobody does.

The Horror Returns

Anyone who doesn't live in a house with a pre-teen girl or with access to the Disney channel probably doesn't know that High School Musical 2 premired tonight. I wan't to start this article by saying that I've never watched either movie in it's entirety, I have seen bits and pieces but to be fair, I've seen stock footage of the Holocaust and that was enough for me to realize it's one of the most horrorifying monstrosities in the history of Earth. For those who know nothing about High School Musical I'll explain what it's about, but to prove my point I shall give myself no more than 20 words to describe the plot: promising athlete faces choice between basketball or singing and dancing. Wow! I did it in 10 and accomplished to make it sound straighter than it really is.

What really bothers me about this series of travesties is that they have become so popular for really no reason. I've seen this plot in over 20 dozen crappy movies before and the acting in these is so mind numbingly bad that I actually longed to watch "House of the Dead" or "Alone in the Dark" instead of the 90 seconds that I sat through of High School Musical. People are calling this the next Grease! Seriously? Grease was at least entertaining. It reached a demographic that wasn't in training bra's.

Now, if High School Musical is the new Grease then that would make Zac Efron the next John Trovalta. Now here, here is where you really lose me. Now, sure, every actor is going to make a bad movie. I mean, Travolta made Battlefield Earth, but atleast he wasn't stupid enough to return for a Battlefield Earth 2. Zac Efron not only returned for a second High School Musical, he acted in Hairspray. Now, don't get me wrong, Hairspray was an enjoyable movie but Efron was far from being the best thing about it. Efron needs to show his range as an actor but right now I really can't imagine this kid doing anything other than singing show tunes. I mean, could you imagine Efron as Vincent Vega? I shudder just thinking about what kind of a hell that world would be.

I know that I'm being pretty hard on lil HSM and most people will probably just say "Grow up. It's just a Disney movie, it's not meant to be intelligent". But that is exactly my point. I'm so sick of this crap happening and it only proves how dumb the genreal public has become. I mean You Got Served, Stomp The Yard, Wild Hogs, Norbit, Epic Movie, Madea's Family Reunion, When A Stranger Calls, Big Momma's House 2, Bringing Down the House, and freaking Kangaroo Jack all opened #1 at the box office. Isn't it time America stood up and said "Hey, maybe I'd like to see some wit and intelligence in my movies. Not just some story you ripped off of a Hitchcock movie and retitled Disturbia". So I say to you America, rise up and fight. Fight not for just good movies but TV as well. Or else one day you'll turn on the TV to find You Got Served the series and go to the multiplex to find Hana Montana: The Movie.

God Help Us.

Movie Pick Of The Week

CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS

Written & Directed By Woody Allen

Gabazooba started with me wanting to pick a different movie every week and not just review it, but analyze it. I wanted to pick movies that struck a chord with me that I thought most of the people I know hadn't seen or at least heard of. Then I thought I could bring on some friends and turn it into something a little bigger. Thus, Gabazooba was born. But when it came time to write the first of my weekly movie pics, I was at a loss. I wanted to choose something I thought would be easily accessible or maybe a little popular. Then I saw "Crimes And Misdemeanors" and while I liked it a lot I didn't think it would be the right choice. As time passed though, I couldn't seem to get it out of my mind. It was a powerful film that had stuck with me and ultimately became the choice for my first film to write on.

"Crimes And Misdemeanors" tells the two juxtaposing stories of Judah (Martin Landau) and Cliff (Woody Allen). Judah is a successful opthamologist who's mistress of 2 years, Dolores, decides that she is ready to confess to his wife. Judah, who is well liked by everyone he knows and still enjoys a great marriage with his wife, isn't very happy with her decision and tries to change Dolores' mind anyway he can think of. This only angers her more, pushing her to not only confess about the affair but also how he has embezzled money out of his practice. He confides in a long time friend and rabbi, Ben, who he is treating for an eye disease that is causing him to slowly go blind. Ben urges Judah to confess his infidelity and hope for forgiveness. Not wanting to risk his reputation, Judah turns to his brother Jack, who leads a far more criminal life. After much contemplation, Judah decides to have Jack set it up so that Dolores is killed.

Intercutting this dark tale is the much more lighthearted tale of Cliff, who is struggling with an ending marriage and documentary career that never really took off. When his brother in law, Lester, comes into town Cliff is asked to direct a PBS documentary on Lester as part of their "Creative Minds" series. Lester is a succesful TV writer/producer who Cliff despises because he thinks that his works is intellectual dribble, but takes the job to fund a project he is truly passionate about. While working on the documentary Cliff and Lester both meet Halley, whom they both make advances toward.

"Crimes And Misdemeanors" offers a bleak look at humanity, along with it's relationship with God, and does so with poetic flair. Take for instance the scene in which Judah, unable to sleep, wanders his house in the middle of the night having an imaginary conversation with Ben about whether or not he should have Dolores killed. Alone in the darkness of his own home, as well as his mind, Judah confesses "God is a luxury I can't afford". He has Dolores killed and suffers the guilt. Remembering the words of his very religious father "The eye's of God are always on us", Judah feels that his punishment as a guilty man is soon near.

Woody Allen, along with famed cinematographer Sven Nykvist, has crafted what I consider a masterful film of deep, important, and philosophical themes on par with the "Seventh Seal". Notice how Allen and Nykvist film the movie by setting up the scenes and just letting the actors make the most of them. When a scene begins, the camera is on a character and it follows that character, along with others in the scene, with such grace and subtly that you almost don't notice the fact that you are watching one long take after the other.

"Crimes And Misdemeanors" offers many questions on justice, morality, humanity, and the existence of God. It answers them in the bleakest manor but I won't speak of that because I don't want to spoil the film. I will say that it is a great movie with beautiful cinematography, wonderful acting, and a phenomenal story. If you are interested in philosophy and questions larger than those posed in most films today I highly recommend it. I encourage everyone who reads this to rent it, download, or even buy it (if you really trust my opinion) and comment back. Lets start a discussion.


8/10

Review: Rescue Dawn

Synopsis: Based on the true story of German-born Dieter Dengler, who dreamed of being a test pilot and thus made his way to America, where he joined the military in pursuit of his obsession to fly. On his first mission in Vietnam, he is shot down and captured by Vietcong guerrillas.

Review: Rescue Dawn is not a war film, as much as it is a character study. More of a "Shawshank Redemption" in Vietnam if you will. It follows the story of Dieter Dengler (Christian Bale) as he embarks upon his first mission in the military and what follows as a result of that mission. Director Werner Herzog wastes no time in getting to Dieters journey, spending only about 10 minutes setting up the movie before Dieter crashes in Laos while on a Black Ops bombing mission.

After crashing, Dieter wanders in the wilderness before being picked up by the Vietcong and taken prisoner. He grows increasingly frustrated with his situation because none of his captors speak English. When he is finally brought to someone higher up that can speak English, Dieter is asked to sign a paper saying that he renounces the American government and their crimes against Vietnam in exchange for freedom. "Why would I sign this? I love America. America gave me wings" he responds. After refusing to the offer Dieter is then brought to a Vietnamese prison camp, facing some severe psychological torture along the way. From here, the film follows Dieter as he interacts with the other inmates of the camp and plans his escape.

Christian Bale is without question one of the best actors working today and does not disappoint. He flawlessly slips into character, portraying a man that can't seem to give up, no matter what the odds may be. It's amazing to watch as Bale slowly fades away from starvation and becomes just a little bit crazy, like his fellow inmates. Steve Zahn surprises here as Duane, Bales best friend in the camp, turning in a believable portrayal of a man who has all but given up and clings to Dieter in a last attempt of survival. Zahn seems to just slowly die in front of the camera with every passing day. The friendship that forms between these two men is completely believable.

Herzog chooses to downplay the action in exchange for focusing on the characters and their surroundings. When Dieter and Duane begin their trek in the jungle we not only feel for them but we get a real sense of the vastness of the journey ahead of them, thanks largely to the great cinematography. Rescue Dawn, while a little slow, is a really good movie that remains suspenseful, not because of action, but because of the great connection it creates in crafting such a believable character in Dieter that the audience is completely invested in his survival.

7/10

Welcome To Jared

Hello everyone, my name is Jared. I work at a certain electronics store you probably know as Best Buy. I have an amazing girlfriend named Kate. I have 3 great best friends who all write with me on this site, and my biggest interest is movies. Over the course of time that we will be spending together on this lovely site, you will learn alot about me so I shall stop with the introduction and leave a little mystery. Until next time, enjoy Gabazooba.